We are almost at the end of the month of April, which is dedicated to the Blessed Sacrament.
Recently, in a book review I posted on Franz Werfel’s The Song of Bernadette, I wrote the following:
As a convert myself, I recognise that profound moment of realisation that one is a sinner. This moment is so precious, for it humbles one before God. It softens the heart and the mind, bringing one to one’s knees. It is a moment of deep penitence.
And this is what I return to, again and again, when I come before the exposed Blessed Sacrament.
I feel humbled before my God. I feel how much I need Him and how much He gives to me.
He is there constantly giving, constantly loving each and every one of us, no matter who we are or what we have done.
To sit before Our Lord in His Blessed Sacrament is incredible. After the reception of the Sacraments, it is the most healing act of worship.
To kneel, to sit and absorb His loving presence and all the while being absorbed into Him, remains beyond words.
I go to Adoration as often as I can, at least once, perhaps twice, or three times a week. I become stiller and stiller before the Lord, as He takes me into His profound silence.
Often I say nothing, I pray no prayers. I simply allow myself to melt into Our Lord, relaxing very deeply.
Through this melting, I am completely embraced by Him.
And I know that He is everything. He is everything I need.
All my worries melt into Him. All my fears disappear into triviality.
My relationship with Him becomes paramount.
For He is all that is real.
My marriage with Roger is bound through Him. Nothing I receive in this world comes from anywhere but Him.
If I receive anything else, it is unreal and needs to be let go of.
All that matters is Our Lord and my heartfelt love for Him.
I can love no-one without His love. I can do nothing without Him.
In my moment of conversion, almost fifteen years ago, I profoundly realised I was a sinner, which broke me open to humility before my God.
I fell to my knees and wept.
I need Thee, Lord. I am nothing without Thee. For Thou art everything.